Things your Retail Manager really wants to tell you...

I know this may make me sound old, (I’m not), but I enjoy Reader’s Digest magazine.  Occasionally they come out with a story with the title “Things your (insert professional title) won’t tell you”.  I usually find those stories pretty entertaining, because the (insert professional title) is usually calling us all idiots. 

I keep waiting for the “Things your Retail Manager won’t tell you” article.  My most recent profession was a Retail Manager.  It was by far, of all my jobs, the most challenging physically and mentally.  It was also very rewarding because I grew so much in my abilities to deal with a wide variety of people in all directions, (customers, peers, employees, upper management,  corporate, buyers, suppliers, truckers, fire fighters (yes, fire fighters), vendors, etc.).  You either learn to juggle the knives or they’ll slice you up.

Rather than wait for Reader’s Digest to write the story, here is my own list of Things your Retail Manager won’t tell you”.  My title is a bit different:

“Things your Retail Manager really wants to tell you.”

The customer is not always right.

What is it about walking into a store that turns a customer into a complete monster?

“Excuse me, but this newspaper ad says this grill is thirty cents.  I’ll take two please, and I want free delivery.  This afternoon.  And if you don’t do it I’m calling corporate, and my attorney, is on his way, and he is a deceptive trade practice specialist.”

What the manager wants to say:  “Baaaaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaa.  You’re an idiot.  That is a tiny spec of stray ink from the printer that makes $300.00 look like $.300  Umm…No.”

When a scratch is not really a scratch

“Yes, um, your delivery person delivered this washer and dryer set today.  And after they left I found a scratch on the side.  Please just credit my account for 50% off for my trouble.”

Manager:  “How big is the scratch?”

“Huge.  Maybe half an inch.  If you hold the flashlight just right you can see it glaring like an infected wound right there in the very back by the hose.  It’s just a tragedy.  My cat won’t eat and my husband is so mad he can’t see straight.  He wants to just bring it all back.”

Manager:  “Oh, looking at your receipt I see that you bought this for 25% off on clearance.  As is.  Nice try.  No.”

***

I was at the register at Cabela’s recently, after a shopping spree, and heard a raised voice two lines over:  “But I was told that since I'm a military veteran you would give me 10% off on my entire purchase.”  He was really trying to make a scene, projecting his voice, feigning a heart attack, hand on his chest, pointing as his basket full of stuff, jumping up and down, threatening to call somebody, demanding the manager.  I was so proud of the manager.  “Um…No.” 

(Not that I have anything against veterans, this person was just trying to be ugly, take advantage, making a scene and hoped the veteran card would work for him.)

***

Don’t make my cashiers cry

Some customers are sure that if they bully enough people, they’ll get the discount they “deserve”.  That mean, big box corporate retail representative, (my 18 year old cashier), you just made cry?  She is trying to raise a family working two part time jobs.  Its not her fault a stray speck of ink landed on the ad and made it appear we are giving that grill away for thirty cents.  If you make my cashier cry, you will not get your way.  Go shop somewhere else.

We do not rent tools

If you need a power tool for a day, go rent it.  Don’t buy it today and bring it back tomorrow and tell me that it just wasn’t what you needed.  Yes it was.  It was what you needed for a day.  I can see right through your story.

If you want a good deal, be nice.

Want to win me over and get a deal?  Smile.  We deal with so much controversy and so many people who feign heart attacks over a minor scratch, that a smile and a kind word makes a HUGE difference and gets you much better service and just might get you a better deal.

Don’t abuse the privilege

Just because I gave you a good deal on a damaged item last week, doesn’t give you carte blanche authority to come in here this week and search my shelves for scratches and expect me to follow you around and give you good deals.  The more I see you the more I start to duck you.

I get three to five requests for donations a day

I really wish we could sponsor that $5000 hole for your golf tournament, or provide you with a nice power tool for your silent auction, or (name your need).  However our budget for charitable cause donations is extremely small and completely out of my hands.  If I say “no” it doesn’t mean I don’t care, it just means I can’t.

Do you request a 10% discount at the grocery store?

Our gross margin is thin, and net margin is like a razor’s edge.  I’m not going to go in the hole on your purchase.  So stop asking.

***

So BE NICE to that cashier.  She might just be a senior in high school trying to graduate or a new Mother who just left her baby in day care for the first time, or he might just be a retired veteran who last month was dodging IEDs in Afghanistan, and they’re all just trying to make ends meet.

And thank you for shopping!